Fear

I don't want to parent out of fear. That is such an obvious statement but yet so many of us do this every single day. What are you talking about?? (Thanks for asking!) What I mean is the little things we do or don't do, allow or don't allow because we are afraid of what the future will bring. I don't mean things like not letting our toddler play in a busy street--fear for a child's absolute safety in a dangerous situation is different. I mean things like prematurely weaning a child because of the fear that if you don't do that, "they will nurse forever." (Anyone ever met a nursing adult? Teen? Preteen?) Or when people say they don't want to co-sleep because they are afraid that the child will "never" sleep on their own. (Again...anyone know any co-sleeping teens?) This is all fear-based parenting. Fear of the future is affecting your ability to meet your child's need today. Now, people who know me know that I nurse until the child is done, I co-sleep until the child is done, I do all those non-mainstream things to meet my children's needs. So, like my last post, I ask you--when does this or should this stop? Why should I stop meeting certain needs out of fear for the future?

Why am I forcing Erin to learn a certain subject at a certain time? Answer: because I'm afraid that if I don't, she will be different/a failure/unhappy...whatever the fear is at the moment. I have never approached my parenting from that perspective and yet I'm struggling to get the fear out of our homeschooling. Because, honestly, this feels different to me. Nursing until the child weans feels absolutely natural to me. And perhaps for someone who has been unschooling all their lives it doesn't feel any different at all. Maybe to them it feels just as natural as I feel for letting my toddler nurse anytime, anywhere. (And I know there are people who are not comfortable with that.) But here I am, thinking 15 years down the road and scared that if she doesn't do her three days a week of "official" math, she will end up a total failure or in jail or worse. Way to jump to conclusions, huh?

So the question becomes, which has a better chance of creating a happy, successful, (law abiding) citizen? Forcing math or letting her learn her own way? Is it somewhere in the middle? I just don't know....

I do know that leaves me with the same basic question I posted before...but my point is that I am more aware, now, of how some of these choices have been made out of fear and I simply don't want to do that. So I won't--starting now. Wish me luck.

I feel compelled to note that today, Erin did a homeschool science class, played for several hours at a local playground with a big group of homeschool friends, went to chess club and did more work on her middle ages weaponry. So it isn't like our days are in complete limbo as I mull this stuff over....