Sunday, February 26, 2012
Friday, February 24, 2012
Amy
I've been trying, for some time now, to put up a post about Amy. February 12th marked one year that we have been without her presence in our lives and I'm having a hard time putting that into words. In the past year I have NOT deleted her number from my phone, deleted her address from my address book, or taken her off my email list. I don't know why. In the past year I HAVE woken up from a dead sleep to sob uncontrollably about how much I miss her, reconnected with old college friends to talk about her, seen the last Harry Potter film without her, and named a beautiful baby girl after her. I do know why I've done all those things....
Amy,
One year has gone by in which I didn't hear your voice, see your smile, or feel your touch. One year of birthdays that you didn't get to celebrate with us, one year of milestones that you didn't get to hear about, one year of jokes and accomplishments that my kids didn't get to tell you about. I could be all spiritual about it and say things like how I know you are in a better place, how I'm happy that you are no longer in pain and how everything happens for a reason...but I just don't feel those things. I miss you so much that it overwhelms me at times and I just wish you were here.
A friend of mine recently sent me a message that commented on how she admires how I live my life with gratitude and how, despite the losses our family has sustained over the past few years, we continue to move forward with joy. I guess today, I'm just not feeling that.
And so I'm off to embark on another year with you. Another year of milestones, birthdays, holidays and just plain ol' regular days...all without your smile. I know that I need to remember how lucky I am to have had you in my life for the short time I did. I know I will continue to hear your voice in the crashing of the ocean waves, see your smile in the stars, and feel your presence in every unexpected penny. And while I know, truly know, that your spirit is watching over us, while I can feel your love supporting us in tough times and wrapping around us in good times, and while I continue to find pennies in unexpected places, I still, still, find myself wishing more than anything that you were here (yes, I know I've already said that!).
I love you, Amy, and I miss you. There isn't much else to say.
Amy,
One year has gone by in which I didn't hear your voice, see your smile, or feel your touch. One year of birthdays that you didn't get to celebrate with us, one year of milestones that you didn't get to hear about, one year of jokes and accomplishments that my kids didn't get to tell you about. I could be all spiritual about it and say things like how I know you are in a better place, how I'm happy that you are no longer in pain and how everything happens for a reason...but I just don't feel those things. I miss you so much that it overwhelms me at times and I just wish you were here.
A friend of mine recently sent me a message that commented on how she admires how I live my life with gratitude and how, despite the losses our family has sustained over the past few years, we continue to move forward with joy. I guess today, I'm just not feeling that.
And so I'm off to embark on another year with you. Another year of milestones, birthdays, holidays and just plain ol' regular days...all without your smile. I know that I need to remember how lucky I am to have had you in my life for the short time I did. I know I will continue to hear your voice in the crashing of the ocean waves, see your smile in the stars, and feel your presence in every unexpected penny. And while I know, truly know, that your spirit is watching over us, while I can feel your love supporting us in tough times and wrapping around us in good times, and while I continue to find pennies in unexpected places, I still, still, find myself wishing more than anything that you were here (yes, I know I've already said that!).
I love you, Amy, and I miss you. There isn't much else to say.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Happy Birthday!
In the crazies of the past five days, I neglected to write about some very important people in our family! So, while I will post about some other people in the next few days, let me post some pictures of the zany, loving, wonderful, miraculous, imp of a toddler who turned three on Sunday. I will never, ever forget the indescribable feeling of holding that little boy for the first time--the amazing realization that our family would rise from the ashes of our losses and be stronger than ever. Perhaps that is a lot to put on an 8lb, 1oz baby boy, but he has held up his end of the deal tremendously well! One look into his beautiful blue (sometimes scheming!) eyes and you know. He is our Little Man. He was meant to be here with us and we are so much stronger and happier because of him. Happy Birthday, Evan! We can't wait to see what you do with this coming year!!
The Yoda cake!
The ever important ability to hold up three fingers!
Breakfast pancakes with whipped cream. Or, really, a pile of pancakes to sit uneaten while Yoda feasts on the whipped cream!
Mr. Fix-It. Of course, usually he is Mr. I-Broke-It first and Mr. I'll-Get-My-Hammer second.
Update!
It is official! Her name is Jordan AmySophia Gerbi. While Evan was still heavily leaning towards Yoda, we managed to persuade him to use that as a nickname instead of her real name. Welcome to our family, Jordan!
Friday, February 10, 2012
Some photos...name revealed tomorrow!
Here is our latest addition - a beautiful baby girl, born after a rocket-launch rate labor. Eight pounds, born at 4:42 pm on February 10th. We'll reveal the name tomorrow once we've decided on it! What a different way to birth - not being induced made it almost fun. (I'll let you know about the panic moment some other time!)
Saturday, February 4, 2012
The Fudge Story
When I was about 4 or 5 years old, my father sent me to ask my mother what she wanted for Mother's Day. I did and got the response, "Oh, let me see...I would love some penuche fudge!" I knew she meant from a small local candy store that used to be near our house, so I took that answer and went to my dad, "Mom wants a pound of peanut butter fudge!" I told him confidently. My dad looked a bit skeptical, but believed me without ever checking to see if I had gotten my facts straight.
We got her a pound of peanut butter fudge that year...and every year after that. For both her birthday AND Mother's Day. Every single year. It was a tradition I proudly continued well into adulthood.
Fast forward about 20 years...I was out to dinner with my mother and a good friend and it was just before my mother's birthday. My friend was asking what we wanted for dessert and I suggested we go out to a local ice cream place because they had the best peanut butter/hot fudge sauce EVER. My mother just shrugged it off and said, "Nah, I don't like peanut butter."
I looked at her, stunned. "But you love peanut butter fudge!" I said.
Without even blinking, she said, "Ugh! I HATE peanut butter fudge!" And then she froze...clearly recognizing her mistake. The deer in the headlights look came over her.
"WHAT?? Mom! I've been getting you a pound of peanut butter fudge twice a year for 20 years!!!!"
"Yeah..." she kind of stalled, "and I guess I've learned to like it...a bit."
You can imagine how the rest of this conversation went. Turns out she had been giving it to her administrative assistant and sharing it with students forever! They loved it, apparently.
As I am now a mother and can clearly imagine what crossed wires would happen if my husband trusted any of the younger ones to pass on a message, I just need to say happy birthday to the woman who went without her favorite fudge for 20 years. This year, the kids picked out some flowers to be delivered today and we will find some good fudge when we get down there to visit next month. We won't get her peanut butter.
We got her a pound of peanut butter fudge that year...and every year after that. For both her birthday AND Mother's Day. Every single year. It was a tradition I proudly continued well into adulthood.
Fast forward about 20 years...I was out to dinner with my mother and a good friend and it was just before my mother's birthday. My friend was asking what we wanted for dessert and I suggested we go out to a local ice cream place because they had the best peanut butter/hot fudge sauce EVER. My mother just shrugged it off and said, "Nah, I don't like peanut butter."
I looked at her, stunned. "But you love peanut butter fudge!" I said.
Without even blinking, she said, "Ugh! I HATE peanut butter fudge!" And then she froze...clearly recognizing her mistake. The deer in the headlights look came over her.
"WHAT?? Mom! I've been getting you a pound of peanut butter fudge twice a year for 20 years!!!!"
"Yeah..." she kind of stalled, "and I guess I've learned to like it...a bit."
You can imagine how the rest of this conversation went. Turns out she had been giving it to her administrative assistant and sharing it with students forever! They loved it, apparently.
As I am now a mother and can clearly imagine what crossed wires would happen if my husband trusted any of the younger ones to pass on a message, I just need to say happy birthday to the woman who went without her favorite fudge for 20 years. This year, the kids picked out some flowers to be delivered today and we will find some good fudge when we get down there to visit next month. We won't get her peanut butter.
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