Three years...

And, of course, I cannot let February 12th, my amazing son's birthday, go past without also thinking of the tremendous loss that happened three years ago--the day he turned two.  We had just finished up cake and ice cream when I got the call that Amy, my dearest friend and strongest supporter, had lost her battle with cancer.  It was a call that we knew was coming, we all expected, but nobody was ready for.  So now, three years later, when I can still hear her voice and laughter and still see her amazing smile, I need to take a moment to be with the fact that I miss her more than words can say.  Always.

Amy and Megan at a Red Sox game in 2010

Five already!

There is something to be said for being 5.  Five is just about the coolest age (you know, like all the others that I love!).  Five is independent, but not quite (how does making a pb and j take 37 dishes and 17 knives?  Just ask a 5yo to do it!).  Five is rambunctious days and still loving the cuddly stories at night.  Five is running down the street to a friend's house ALL BY MYSELF!  Five is passionate about life and discovery.  Five is insightful questions followed immediately by ridiculous knock-knock jokes over and over and over.  Five is just awesome!

Here is Evan with Brian Butterfield, the Red Sox Third Base Coach. He came to Orono with the trophy, so of course Evan was there!

Here he is with his "general manager" fancy clothes on (usually when a uniform is in the wash), helping Daddy trim a tree.

And here he is in his first mountain bike race--a rare moment without Red Sox gear on!!

Happy Birthday to my incredible, baseball-obsessed, loving, lively, funny, happy, amazing bundle of little boy!  Let's see if we can make it to 6 in one piece!

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Terrific Two!

I hate the Terrible Twos.  No, that's not right.  I hate that people think there is even such thing as the Terrible Twos.  Two-year-olds happen to be among the most incredible, funny, enjoyable, wonderful, emotional, happy, loving creatures on Earth.  I can't imagine ever NOT loving every minute of this time!  Yes, I even love those tantrums--oh those tantrums!  I feel so sad for my little kiddo who has come across some limit in life that cannot be explained well enough to soothe and is felt so deeply and harshly.  The tantrums remind me how much my little one is growing and learning and how I just need to guide, hold, cuddle, and love to the ends of the world.

I didn't get to enjoy Erin being two.  When she was two, we had this new little bundle of colic enter our life, we had just moved, and life was completely overwhelming me.  (Looking back, it seems funny to be overwhelmed by two kids, but at the time, I was just getting through the days.)  I have some cute video of Erin being two, but I don't remember it as well as I would like to and I know I didn't fully enjoy it as much as I could have.  Screaming newborns will do that to you.

I have very little memory of Megan being two.  When she was two, we had just lost Sophie.  I spent a lot of her second year fighting for my physical health and then fighting depression, struggling under the weight of grief so deep few people ventured in to help us.  Megan got a whole year at home with just me (Erin was at a Montessori school at the time), and I was not the mother I should have been for that little girl.  So while I regret the lack of memories of Erin being two, I still feel so so so so so much guilt for the lost time with Megan.  It is hard for me to talk about this lost year--for so many reasons.

Evan being two was amazing.  Chris and I marveled time and time again how much we loved having a two-year-old.  We lived and breathed the whole thing, noting over and over how it took us 4 kids to get a 2yo!  He language skills, his independence, his absolute love for anything his sisters did.  Amazing.  A 2yo's antics never stop and are filled with so much love and good will.  Truly incredible!!

And so here we are--on the eve of our final 2nd birthday.  As Jordan embarks on the journey from 2 to 3, we know she will bring as much love and joy to our family as each of her siblings has.  And me?  I'm ready for the ride.  I will do whatever I can to savor each moment, video/photograph what I can, snuggle up close whenever the moment presents itself, and just love the heck out of this little girl.  I can't wait!