Trust

Things people say to me:

A few weeks ago while at Sand Beach on a chilly but sunny day in October.  The older girls wanted to "go swimming" which means jump in all the way and get out.  They are trying to get a picture of themselves doing this every month--we have already done this in March, April, May, June, July, August, Sept and they wanted October.  So when we went to Acadia, I packed their suits just in case they wanted to.  They did and as they were running down to the water, a woman said to me, "Are you REALLY going to let them do that??"

Answer:  YES!  It is their challenge, their body, their choice.  Would I choose to do this??  Absolutely not!  But it isn't about me "letting" them do anything, as if I'm the all-knowing Mother who simply knows what is best for them.  I know what is best for me (swimming in the Northern Atlantic in October is definitely NOT best for me!) but I don't know what is best for them.  I can use my experience to guide them, but in the end it is their choice.  My experience suggests they will be cold.  They knew this and packed accordingly (extra sweaters, socks, hats, etc.) but explained they really had the desire to just see if they could do it.  Case closed.  Was I really going to let them do that??  Absolutely!

It is amazing what kind of joy you can get from trusting your child to know what is best for them.  Instead of leaving with warm, disappointed, angry kids who think they aren't capable of trusting their own choices, I left with happy, joyful kids who were, admittedly, slightly cold!

Another dream

Last night I had a dream.  I was in a van with some friends.  I don't know where we were going or who was driving.  I was sitting in the second to last row and was turned around so I could talk to Amy who was in the last row.  We were just chit-chatting when I asked her to recall the funniest thing she could remember from college.  She proceeded to tell a story of when we were in costume and hanging out with some friends playing cards (I'd tell the whole story but it really, truly was a "you just had to be there" moment and there is no way all of you would find it in the least bit funny).  I was sitting on this van with her, laughing hysterically because once she said it, I completely remembered that incident, but up until that moment, I hadn't really remembered it.

Then I woke up.  And know what??  I totally remembered the moment she was talking about in the dream.  It was something that happened sophomore year and it was absolutely a night of laugh-until-you-cry hysterics.  I remember it so clearly now even though it hasn't remotely entered my consciousness in nearly 20 years.  Oh, my friend, sometimes I miss you so much I don't know how I have survived this long or if I can take another step without you!  But then you show up, one way or another, to prove that you will always be with me.  Thank you, Amy, for the reminder.

Gratitude

I have been feeling so overwhelmed with gratitude lately!  I'm not sure why.  Perhaps it is because we are falling into a rhythm of learning, playing, chores and life.  Perhaps it is because I have the most wonderful family and best husband ever.  Maybe it is because I now live in a place that I can walk/bike just about everywhere I need to go.  Maybe it is all these things.  What I do know is that right now, life is pretty good!

This is what I wake up to most every morning.  Is it any wonder I wake up smiling??

My wacky gang out on Smuttynose Island.

Erin and her friend about to learn the word displacement.

Some of my gang on the edge of a cliff at Schoodic.  I was a work and therefore not worrying about their safety.  Good thing!

He just couldn't be any cuter!  

My little adventurer! 

See?  Life is good!

Sorry!

Wow...I'm definitely neglecting this blog, huh??  Things have been more insane than usual lately, and while I can apologize for that, I'm not seeing a change in that pattern anytime soon!  We moved into a new house and trying to unpack and set-up has proven to be a challenge with four kids.  I'm still working part-time and homeschooling/parenting full-time while trying to enjoy my husband's slightly more relaxed summer pace (which ends today!).  I'm the assistant coordinator for a conference in November and, because it is my first year in this position, I have no clue what I'm supposed to be doing and the person in charge lives far away from me.  The floundering I feel in that position is temporary, however, as we work to put it all together.  Basically, all this is to say that life has been really, really busy and I promise to work more time in for this blog.  In the meantime, please bear with me!

A letter to the public

Dear Non-Homeschooling people we know,

Please stop quizzing my children when you see them.  I am fine with how smart/stupid/hard-working/lazy/geeky/happy/annoying/whatever my child is.  If you want to know how they do or do not measure up to your public school system, you can ask me for specifics.  Leave my kids out of it.  Feel free to love them for who they are not what they know.  If you can't do that, feel free to go away.  Really...go away! 

Please stop disciplining my child just so they "learn to take direction from others."  This is a life skill they will pick up from lots of other places (camp, swimming lessons, gymnastics, chess club...).  They don't need it from you just because you assume that my homeschooled kid isn't out in the world.  Leave my kid alone.  If they are doing something you would rather they didn't do, tell them.  They will listen.

Please stop asking my child if they want to go to school or if they think they are missing anything.  If they wanted to go to school, they would be in school.  If they were in school, they would be missing something--it is called life.  And we are loving ours right now, so back off.

Finally, please...PLEASE...stop talking to me about their socialization!  If we are standing around watching our kids all playing happily together, CLEARLY my kids are "socialized" enough to be there playing happily.  Get over yourself and your socially warped view of what is necessary for kids to grow and thrive!

Sincerely,
A homeschooling parent...or rather, EVERY HOMESCHOOLING PARENT I KNOW!

Wow...

Erin has a friend whose father just passed away suddenly.  This little boy is 9 years old and facing the rest of his life without his dad.  Obviously our family is aching for this boy and his mother as the community rallies support around this wonderful family.  Loss is loss, quite frankly, and Chris and I have been talking about how we can help this family a few weeks from now, knowing that the hard part really begins when people start to move on.  The grief kicks into gear when you try so hard to move towards some kind of normal life and realize that nothing will ever be "normal" again--at least not the old definition of normal.  So what can we do?  Cook meals, offer up child care, and give them space to grieve.  Space and time to just let it all go and be sad.  People who haven't dealt with life-changing grief don't understand how hard that work is, how much time it takes and how much space you need to do it.  It is such hard, important work--too much for a 9 year old boy, but do it he must.

As we were having this conversation with Erin about what we can do to help, Erin disappears into her Lego room.  I originally thought she had gone in there to putter--trying to escape the sadness and wrap her brain around the idea that this person (who she had dinner with a few weeks ago) was gone.  I was wrong.  She comes out and hands me a few mini-figures that she had assembled.  "What is this?" I asked. 

"Oh, that is Eragon, Harry Potter, Boba Fett and Anakin Skywalker.  They are for sympathy magic."

At this point, she explains to me that Sympathy Magic is something she read about in one of her books (Percy Jackson maybe?).  What her friend has to do is pass his sadness into these characters who all have had the same kind of loss as him--in this case, the loss of a father.  From them, he can draw the strength he needs to continue on.  "Because," she said, "what [her friend] needs now is the strength to be sad."

Wow.

RIP Ariel...we'll miss you!

First you get married.  Then you get pets.  We got lots of pets.  Two dogs and three cats...definitely enough for us.  THEN...oh then...THEN, you have kids.  And, sad as it is and as difficult as it is for people without kids to understand, your pets fade into the background.  Yes, you still love them and yes, you take good care of them.  No doubt.  But they aren't the center of the universe they once were.

Cosmo, our wonderful golden retriever, went back to the resuce we got him from as his old age and our young kids did not mix so well.  (He was abused as a puppy, but we had him for 8 wonderful years and he lived another 5 with an older couple who loved watching him swim in their pool--he was a happy, happy puppy!)  

Anastasia, our first kitty, was the next to leave us.  Never a healthy cat to begin with, we loved our blind-in-one-eye and deaf sickly kitty!  She died a few years ago.  

Athena, our other cat, was part Maine Coon and definitely knew how to hold her own.  One night she didn't come home.  I'm pretty sure she is living happily in the woods somewhere, having beaten the snot out of a fox to take over his den.  Just let me believe this, please.  

Chester, our beloved Chester.  What a fantastic, loving, wonderful, happy, amazing dog.  We just loved and loved this little guy.  You may remember when he died last year, just weeks before my best friend from college passed away.  His death was overshadowed by Amy's condition, obviously, but the void in our family was real.  

That left Ariel, our wonderful cuddle machine.  Sitting down?  She was on your lap.  Sleeping?  She was on your chest.  Eating breakfast?  She was wrapped around your neck like a feathered boa.  Seriously, she was!  She has been slowing down a lot the past few weeks as a thyroid condition was getting the better of her.  Her meds had stopped working and we were trying something else that we were hoping would work, but didn't seem to be improving her condition.  Today, she went into the cool of the basement and closed her eyes.  We found her there this evening, all curled up.  The last of our pre-kids menagerie....  Sleep well, dear Ariel.